Author: Lara
Butt Stuff Ulta Haul
How can I NOT buy a product called Butt Stuff?
Look, I’m 49 years old and have birthed two children. I don’t need to draw a diagram of how that fucks up your body, especially the no-no square. I have not yet had a flare-up, so I haven’t gotten to use megababe Butt Stuff Hemorrhoid Cream ($22.40, down from $28) yet. You will be the FIRST to know how it goes…
In addition to restocking on Sol de Janeiro Brazilian Joia Strengthening + Smoothing Shampoo and Conditioner ($26 each), I added a few fun things to my cart. I’ve never read a single page or watched a single frame of Twilight, but I got a Twilight: New Moon x Colourpop Multichrome Shadow Stix in “It’s Always Been Him” ($12) because the color was extra pretty. I tried it and I like it – but it is a whole lotta green for my face. I also picked up Holo Taco “Milky White Shimmer” ($14) because why not?
All this was enough for a free 13 piece beauty bag with my $90 purchase. In addition to the canvas drawstring beauty bag, I got Oak Essentials Moisture Rich Balm (in a weird burlap bag?); Pureology Strength Cure Shampoo and Conditioner (I love a matching set); Gaultier Divine; Caroline Herrera Very Good Girl; NYX Face Freezie Cooling Primer; Viktor & Rolf Flowerbomb Tiger Lily; Clinique Moisture Surge Active Glow Serum; Mugler Alien Goddess (ugh, why do I get this in every fucking bag?); Paco Rabanne Invictus Victory Elixir; Yves Saint Laurent Black Opium; Good Molecules Hydrating Facial Cleansing Gel; and Dionis Goat Milk Hand Cream in “Vanilla Bean”. I really appreciate that the bag wasn’t one of the 13 items. I could’ve done with less perfume samples, but the rest of the samples are top shelf.
Just $814 until I reach Platinum for 2026.
Polish Pickup March 2025 – Under the Microscope
All things considered, my March order was fairly conservative. The theme was really good though – “Under the Microscope” – but I didn’t see too many unique polishes, which surprised me.
The first things I snagged were DRK Nails “Erythrocytes” ($14), as well as DRK Nails Magic Effect for Magnetic Polish ($11.20). “Erythrocytes” is the scientific name for red blood cells and the polish is inspired by red blood cells under the microscope. I’m excited to see if I get better results with Magic Effect.
Paint it Pretty Polish “Crazy Plant Lady” ($13.50) is another magnetic polished, inspired by plant cells under the microscope.
Finally, I couldn’t resist another bottle of Cuticula Limitless Quick Dry Scented Top Coat in “Froot Loops” ($10). Who doesn’t like the scent of Froot Loops?
Nichibotsu 2: Electric Boogaloo
Now that I’ve bought a few different nail magnets, I’m working on improving my results with magnetic polishes.
I referred to a reddit tutorial this time, which suggested I start with a black base coat, then a thick coat of the magnetic polish, magnetize, then magnetize AGAIN, immediately after the top coat. Sounds simple enough, right?
My dumb ass always thinks I know better. I chose a magnetic polish I had used recently – Phoenix “Nichibotsu”, so I could compare results. I figured I would be fine without the black base coat and just used a regular milky clear base coat. Magnetizing the polish twice worked TOO WELL. The polish magnetized so well on a few nails, that it made bald spots in the polish (see the end of my left thumb). It also didn’t help that I didn’t let the thick coat dry enough and it moves around when I applied the top coat. Although my results are remarkable better the second time around, I don’t think I held the magnets on long enough either time. There’s nowhere to go but up!
This is one thick coat of “Nichibotsu” over Cuticula Mic Drop Base Coat in “Tropical Oasis” and under Cuticula Limitless Top Coat in “Blackberry Passionfruit“.
Sawyer
Not bad for an 11 year old polish! It was a bit on the thick side, but it went on like a champ.
Although I originally got it in a Mystery Box in 2016, Julep Boho Glam “Sawyer” was originally launched in the November 2014 Friendsgiving Collection. Julep described it as copper patina molten. I don’t even know what that means, but it’s a chocolate brown polish with a serious gold shimmer that leans a bit…green?
This is two coats of “Sawyer” over Cuticula Mic Drop Base Coat in “Tropical Oasis” and under Cuticula Limitless Top Coat in “Blackberry Passionfruit“.
Aesops Fables
Blanca LIED…green nails didn’t help me win SHIT in Atlantic City. Well, except for that $100 on the Crazy Rich Asians machine that I eventually lost again…still.
BCB Lacquers “Aesops Fables” is from February’s Fables & Folklore Polish Pickup. It is a minty shimmer that shifts from pink to gold. It is STUNNING in real life and has incredible wear time. I washed my hands HOURLY in Atlantic City and this polish went the distance. My only complaint? I am really missing the apostrophe in the polish name – I cannot handle plurals where a possessive should be. It makes my butthole itch.
This is two coats of “Aesops Fables” over Cuticula Mic Drop Base Coat in “Tropical Oasis” and under Cuticula Limitless Top Coat in “Blackberry Passionfruit“.
Schneewittchen
Schneewittchen…now that’s a mouthful. Translation – “Snow White” in German.
Yes ma’am, I stacked two Snow White-themed polishes from February’s Polish Pickup back to back. This one is inspired by the Brothers Grimm version of the fairytale…it’s so bloody and so, so German.
Lurid Lacquer “Schneewittchen” is my first Lurid Lacquer. Quality is very good and I was impressed with the shimmer.
This is two coats of “Schneewittchen” over Cuticula Mic Drop Base Coat in “Tropical Oasis” and under Cuticula Limitless Top Coat in “Blackberry Passionfruit“.
March 2025 Ipsy Bag – Main Character Energy
Do I give off Main Character Energy?
I’m sure we all think we do, regardless of how uninteresting we may be. I admit, I’ve occasionally felt like the Main Character before…but really, I feel like I give off NPC energy. Like, the kind of NPC you come to for a very difficult quest, or to get the local village gossip. I am Bella Goth, seducing Bob Newbie. Or maybe Princess Peach…
This month’s bag is a weird mix of products. My product choice was Mudmasky Melting Mud Cleansing Mask, since I’ve gotten several different Mudmasky masks is previous ipsy AND Allure Beauty Boxes. Hoping to get to try it out this weekend. The rest of the items were really…odd. I got Balance Me BHA Exfoliating Concentrate; Beauty Vaulte Beaming Lip Liner Duo (do non-Kardashians even use lip liner?); e.l.f. Cosmetics Brow Laminating Gel (I would eyebrows in order to laminate them – I’ll hand this one over to one of the kids); and Gloss Moderne Luxury Eye Elixir. I don’t know if I’ll use ANY of these!
The bag, on the other hand, is super cut and has a strawberry zipper pull. Why am I sucker for zipper pulls?
I subscribe to the basic ipsy bag for $14/month (recently increased from $13/month) and Icon Box (formerly Glam Bag X) for an extra $60/quarterly (recently increased from $43/quarterly). If you’d like to try Ipsy – click here. I’ll earn 250 points if you sign up through my referral link.
Fairest of Them All
Mirror Mirror, on the wall…who is the fairest of them all?
The answer, of course, is Cuticula “Fairest of Them All” from February’s “Fables & Fairytales” Polish Pickup. I am pretty sure that this was the first one I added to my cart. I had no idea that it was the magic mirror – when I saw it, I thought of a piece of green marble streaked with gold (I saw it at Floor & Decor and I want it for my bathroom.)
And yes, this is two Cuticulas in a row!
This is two coats of “Fairest of Them All” over Cuticula Mic Drop Base Coat in “Tropical Oasis” and under Cuticula Limitless Top Coat in “Blackberry Passionfruit“.
Polish Pickup February 2025 – Fables & Folklore
February’s theme was “Fables & Folklores” and I am so proud of myself! Not for shopping conservatively – I did not pick any of the several Taylor Swift themed polishes…at least I don’t think I did?
As much as I love Zoya Remove+, I also love making cheap, shitty nail polish remover into the good shit…I’ve passed by the last few scents, but Baroness X Acetone Antidote “Lemon Shortbread Cookies” ($8.50) sounded too good to pass up.
Cuticula “Fairest of Them All” ($13) is inspired by Snow White.
Indie by Patty Lopes “Renaissance” ($13.50) is inspired by the Phoenix. It’s magnetic, too.
Lurid Lacquer “Schneewittchen” ($14.50) is inspired by the Brothers Grimm version of Snow White, the badass bitch version of Snow White.
Zombie Claw “Persephone” ($13.50) is inspired by Persephone and eating pomegranate seeds.
BCB Lacquers “Aesops Fables” ($13.50) is inspired by…wait for it…Aesop’s Fables.
I cannot wait to dig in!
Dance With Me
Mardi Gras was last week and I chose Cuticula “Dance With Me” for my Fat Tuesday nails. It’s from January’s Masquerade Polish Pickup and is inspired by…a Masquerade.
“Dance With Me” covers all the bases for traditional Mardi Gras colors – the base is a wine jelly and it is filled with flakies that color shift from green to gold.
This is two coats of “Dance With Me” over Cuticula Mic Drop Base Coat in “Tropical Oasis” and under Cuticula Limitless Top Coat in “Blackberry Passionfruit“.